The Dawn of a new day

For the last 15 years of my life I have been the boss. My house usually runs according to the way I want it to, but it doesnt come without grief. I constantly have to fight with my husband about cleaning up. At first it was a no win argument because I didnt work and he did so even though I would spend my time cleaning up if he came in a messed up I would end up cleaning it up. Well for the last couple of months I have been working and unless my bestfriend or the kids cleaned up it would not get cleaned up. Eventually everyone stopped cleaning and it looked like a pigsty, and I would bitch and it would get cleaned. Well today was the last straw, I have spent all weekend trying to get him to clean up to no avail. We got into an argument about it, but instead of having an attitude I took a long look at what the problem was. Me. See I always coordinate stuff and get stuff together and make things in the house run smoothly. I usually give myself a headache doing this so now its time for me to stop. I am on strike!!! These people do not appreciate me and I'm tired of it. I get tired of always having to be the grown up so I'm not going to do it anymore. Let them worry about what's for dinner?, the house being clean or clean clothes, me I'm going to be carefree for once in my life. Maybe they can handle it maybe they can't we'll see what happens.

Getting things together

2011 has started out a little rough but I know that this is only a test. I feel God is pulling me out of my comfort zone once again to make me live up to my real potential. I've downplayed my life for years afraid of outshining people around me. This year I'm going to truly focus on making my life better, working hard to make the things I want in my life come true. I don't live up to my full potential partly because I can't commit. I realized last year that I have commitment issues, which is funny cause I have been with the same man since I was 17 years old. But I have issue in committing to a project or purpose whatever u want to call it, I rarely finish what I start. I want to accomplish some things this year and finish some things. I want to finish getting my associate's degree this year, I want to get my massage license this year, I want to get healthier this year and thats gonna take some dedication. I know the only someone to help me is the Lord. I have to pray on my commitment and dedication to my tasks to get them done.

No more Walmart

So yesterday Walmart decided I had been a bad employee and fired me, I can't say I didnt bring it on myself I broke the rules so its whatever. Although I feel like I was gonna be fired and they just used anything to do it I'm not really bitter about it, all little irritated but not bitter. I think it bothers me more to have to search for another one than it does to actually be fired. Anyway, I have been dancing around the idea of having my own lotion business for quite some time now and I think that now is the time to make it happen. I'm a little afraid though cause I dont know if it will do well but, but I'm more afraid of being stuck in situations like this for the rest of my life. So I think its time to embark on this new journey and make things happen for me and not depend on these corporate clowns to dangle a job over my head to get me to dance like a puppet.

Confused

I'm all over the place with my feelings, sometimes I enjoy having him here and sometimes he works my nerve. What to do? He's my friend but right now he is working my nerves. The bad thing about it is he's really not doing any one thing its just every thing. Have you ever felt like that about someone? Every thing they do works your nerves. I feel bad about it cause we asked him to stay but I was having second thoughts because I knew I wanted to be in my home with just my family. What do I do? I want him gone but I don't want to put him out. I just want him to find him a place to live. Is it wrong to just want to be with my family? I thought i was being a blessing by allowing him to come stay but now I feel like I'm being punished cause he gets on my nerves. *sigh*.

*sigh*

This will be my first blog, I never really like to put my feelings out there because people can use it against you but I thought a blog maybe a good theraputic way for me to get my thoughts out. Today started it out fine, I got some much needed attention from the hubby but I was out yesterday in the cold and woke up not feeling very well. I made myself get dressed for work and tried to go but when I got there I just felt worse so I went home. I feel like I might as well stayed there cause these people in my house are a trip. I just want to know why I can never live in a house where everyone does their share. Why do I always have to be the one that does everything. So ok let me give you some insight to my life. I'm married and I have 6 children, four of which were not born to me but are my husbands but they are mine all the same. I have 3 of them living with me, my two and then one of my stepdaughters. I also have my bestfriend whom is a guy living here too. So you have 6 people living in a 2 bedroom apartment. Well it was my hubby's idea to let him move in so he could help us with my daughter until she got in school, well she's in school and I'm ready for him to go. I feel bad but I am, he is working my nerves, but I'm trying to help him get on his feet but its taking longer than I expected. Then there is my hubby, i love him of course but he can work my nerve too. Everytime I ask him to fix dinner, he either doesnt or he take forever doing it. Now when I was at home I didnt mind taking on the bulk of the house work, but I work and go to school so I need help. Now my children are helpful, my stepdaughter does what I ask and my son well i have to curse him out but he does help too. My daughter is 2 and she usually messes up but its to be expected. I'm really getting tired of having to go to work, school and take care of the house, I'm ready to just stop doing it all and to hell with everyone and let them figure it out themselves